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« on: February 11, 2007, 01:26:51 AM » |
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 Review: Smokin' Aces THIS IS ARGUABLY THE MOST TERRIBLE PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE THAT I HAVE EVER LAID EYES UPON.Why did I see Smokin' Aces? Everyone I know told me it was a great movie, action, suspence, mystery... it had it all, so to speak. It's FUCKING TERRIBLE. Seriously. Do not waste any money on this movie, I can not recommend against seeing it enough. It's so bad, that you almost have to see it just to know exactly why you SHOULDN'T see it. There are a few people on the forums here who convinced me to see the movie because they spoke highly of it, those people are clearly insane. What the fuck do you guys eat for breakfast? Paint chips in a bowl of kerosene with powdered cocaine sprinkled on top? Fucking hell. First of all, the entire movie jumps around constantly at lightning speed-- it's nearly impossible to determine who anyone is, or what the fuck is going on 99% of the time. When you do know what's going on, you don't pay attention to it, because you take that time to figure out what the fuck just happened in the scene before that. I don't want to spoil anything, but it is my duty to inform everyone that even if for some reason you want to see this movie, there is one UNIVERSAL reason that you do NOT FUCKING WANT TO WATCH IT: For no apparent reason, there is a little 10 year old boy dressed like the karate kid, practicing his karate, while practicing his karate, the camera zooms in on his PENIS and shows the little bastard fucking getting a boner. Then for the next 30 seconds you're watching a close up of a 10 year olds' erect penis, while hearing karate sounds in the background.WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PUT THAT IN A MOVIE, EVER? Okay, I can see how in certain EXTREME, SPECIFIC circumstances, that might be funny. There was no reason for it to happen, though. It served no purpose. Literally, there's a guy walking around, he goes to some old lady's house, and this karate kid wanna be 10 year old is there, and he just starts doing karate out of no where and popping boners like they were fly balls at a little league baseball outfield practice. What the fuck is the point of that shit? How is it necessary? How does it contribute to fucking anything? There's also a guy who can apparently make a realistic mold of ANYONE'S face in about 5 minutes, then wear the mold as a mask, making himself a fucking CLONE of who-ever's face he molded, and allowing him to look fucking exactly like anyone that he wants. He fucking puts masks on and takes them off like they are cheap rubber halloween masks. It's fucking retarded. That shit is impossible. Get the fuck out of here. Seriously, one minute you see this crippled black guy in dreadlocks, and then 5 seconds later the crippled Rastafarian Christopher Reeves tears his own face off and reveals himself to be a pastey white-assed bastard who suddenly starts shooting the shit out of everyone in sight. FUCK. THAT. RETARDED. SHIT. There are 10,000,000 other reasons why this movie SUCKED and was TERRIBLE, the plot, the story, the editing, etc. It was flat out terrible. I do want to emphasize, however, that the individual actors, for the most part, did a good job. Ryan Reynolds actually had an awesome part at the end of the movie where he went on this insane yelling spree, but any quality in the performance is lost by the fact that nothing connected or made any sense at all. "Common" did a good job and so did Alecia Keys, unfortunately the entire movie sucked worse than almost any other movie I have seen to date. If you're going to see this movie, only see it to see how terrible it is. There are about 5 minutes of good film in the very begining, and 5 minutes of good film at the end. Everything else is karate-boners and magical face lifts. Fucking hell. |
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« Last Edit: May 08, 2012, 06:55:22 PM by MetalMusicMan »
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« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2007, 04:24:21 PM » |
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someone is angry  |
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« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2007, 04:46:03 PM » |
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dude that movie rocked, i dunno what u r talkin about. story was a little confusing at the end but still really cool, as far as action movies go Smokin' Aces was kick ass, u are honestly the first person ive heard say anything really negative about it. I went to see it with a bunch of girls and they still liked it as far as action is concerned.
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« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2007, 06:41:12 PM » |
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Everyone that I saw it with thought it was one of the worst, if not the worst, movies that they had ever seen. I saw it with 6 people. Everyone in the theater laughed at how terrible it was. How was there a "good ending"? There was no good ending. It wasn't suspenseful, it wasn't mysterious, you knew exactly what was going to fucking happen, even though you couldn't understand a damned thing throughout the rest of the movie. And there was an erect ten year old penis. What. The. Fuck.
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« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2007, 10:35:58 PM » |
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yes the plot sucked, and there was some weird parts in the movie, but i liked all the action and killing. i know a lot of kids who said that the movie sucked, but i reminded them of the big guns and mass killings and then they were like its not so bad except the plot sucked ass. hey and the tremor brothers played trivium in their car. i learned that trivium is very red-neckish. have a good day . |
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« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2007, 12:06:36 AM » |
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Just because there are explosions and death doesn't mean it's a good movie. The explosions and death have to serve a point, otherwise they suck, unless the movie is a spoof.
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« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2007, 12:59:13 AM » |
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Will, u go to hell!!! u go to hell and u die!!!
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« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2007, 01:33:03 PM » |
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Interesting... I'm not sure I want to see this movie anymore.
As I understand it the movie is about an informant and people trying to kill him. You would expect that if one person was unable to kill someone and then died while trying or whatnot, the film would focus on the next would-be assassins, perhaps telling a little about their back story even. Is that not the case? Where does the 10yo penis fit in with this?
Need more data to form opinion.
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« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2007, 02:21:56 PM » |
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it isnt about a single assassin or groups of them at a time. What makes the movie cool is that a lot of people are trying to kill the informant at once, which means a lot of fighting and shooting at one another, everyone is competing at once to take him out and collect on the contract. It really wouldnt be realistic if 1 assassin was trying to kill him and if he failed another would take his place. Its a capitalist society, not communist, and even tho cooperation is far better than competition that just wouldnt make it a fun movie, unless all of the killers belonged to the same "guild" of assassins, in which case it would be cool to watch like that. the whole deal with the 10 yo penis is that a guy survives an attack and takes refuge at some old ladies house who has an insane kid with ADD, who is obsessed with karate and basically cant stop jumping around. Its just a stupid scene thats supposed to be funny, which it really is. it has no point to be in this movie whatsoever, its just fun to watch. The kid gets a boner while hes taunting the guy cuz he keeps doing karate moves and keeps rubbing up against the bathtub. im a fan of dumb humor and im proud of it. I liked the movie because of the characters, it goes into some depth, not a whole backstory on everybody but it does talk about and show scenes from things that they are famous for doing. Pretty much a lot on them killing marks and generally just going over their usually psychotic behavior. The Tremors are really cool cuz they are just a trio of redneck brothers who like killing people and causing mayhem. The fight scenes are done really well IMO, tons of carnage and cool looking kills, i especially like the 50 cal sniper rifle that knocks people 10 feet back when they get hit. If u want to see an action movie, id suggest seeing Smokin' Aces. Its not meant to be a suspenseful thriller, it was meant to be entertaining to watch. At least see it once and decide for yourself if it was any good, its at least worth spending a few dollars to go see, im glad i saw it and i will most likely buy it on DVD when it comes out. Its always good to have a random action movie around the house when u and friends have nothing to do. And finally, i dont understand how u didnt understand what was happenign in the movie, Will. Its not difficult at all to get, Buddy Aces is an informant and a lot of people are trying to collect on the contract for a million bux, which is apparently a shitload of money for a contract killing. And u couldnt have guessed how the story ended, it was out of nowhere, i figured they would put some kind of strange twist on the end but thats all i was assuming would happen. Im not saying it was the best ending of a movie ever, far from it, but it wasnt the "worst movie ive ever seen." U wanna see a shitty movie then lets talk about The Covenant that i saw a few months back. Thats honestly the first movie ive ever seen in a theater that made me want to talk to the manager and get my money back. U cant be saying that The Covenant was better than Smokin' Aces, can u?  |
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« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2007, 04:38:27 PM » |
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I understand the plot, it's hard to follow because it moves too quickly and doesn't really get into anything for more than about 5 seconds. I know that the plot is about an informant and people trying to kill him, but you can know that just from the premise / previews.
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« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2007, 11:41:19 AM » |
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Oh, also-- the action WASN'T good. People were shooting shotguns building-to-building about half a mile away from the other building, as if the director actually though that was realistic in any way.
There was a sniper shooting at one building, and people were returning fire with pump action shotguns. Yeah, that's GREAT action.
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« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2007, 12:02:10 PM » |
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what gauge were the shotguns and how far apart were the buildings? You know that people can hunt with them and that they don't necessarily have to shoot shot, right? I mean in and of itself that's not enough to make me hate the movie, but at this point I'm waiting for video... maybe borrowing it from someone
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« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2007, 12:03:36 PM » |
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No idea what gauge the shotguns were, but they weren't shooting slugs. And the buildings were really far apart, like, far enough apart that only a sniper or a good rifle would be able to do anything.
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« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2007, 05:27:47 PM » |
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Ah. k
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« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2007, 12:31:07 PM » |
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I absolutely hated this movie as well. It was actually painful to watch along with only 2 other movies that I have seen (Shanghai Soccer and Click with Adam Sandler). The gore was over the top, the plot sucked out loud, the karate kid was absolutely arbitrary and retarded, plus the face changing guy that Metalmusicman was talking about. ANOTHER point, what the hell was with that sniper rifle?! THEY DO NOT BLOW PEOPLE BACK 10 feet!!!! If its really that high powered it would just go right through the people. AND another point while im ranting here - the cops are completely and utterly useless. Why the hell wouldn't they shoot the 3 guys in the elevator before they RAN OUT OF THE ELEVATOR WITH A CHAINSAW? IS IT THAT HARD?!?!?! *mumbles more* Ok, I think I'm done here. Enjoy the movie! |
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