The Mummy: Something about some new guy or some shit
Well, since I haven't paid to see a movie in months, and don't plan to break said tradition for something like the 3rd movie in a trequel that has been overall mediocre, I figured I'd share with you guys what I learned after seeing this gem up on a site that I visit on occasion.
The beginning of this movie, like most others, explains a brief history of some random ancient guy that has disappeared without a trace forever and ever even though everyone searches for him, only to be found by our wonderful heroes, the O'Connells. Who have they uncovered this time? Jet Li of course! We are immediately thrown into a situation that seems all too familiar, the O'Connells, being the terrible parents they are, seem to have no idea their son has left college for Egypt. Seriously, how could you not pickup on something like that? But, thank the plot devices, the O'Connells have to go to Egypt on a special trip from the government, and find their son there (WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED WE'D FIND OUR SON IN EGYPT?!).
This son, on what appears to be his second dig in his entire life, has found the long lost tomb of the Dragon Emperor, using a book he found on his first ever dig. What a lucky kid, am I right? Random chance aside, this man is the target of an ANCIENT CHINESE WAR GROUP WHO HOPES TO USE HIS POWER. DUN DUN DUN. Now, I wouldn't want to ruin the movie for you, but assuming you've seen either of the previous movies, I'm sure you could write a basic plot analysis on your own:
Mummy Revives -> Family Trip to Kill him -> Wacky Antics -> Mummy is Invulnerable -> JK no hes not -> Mummy dies
Seriously, take that basic plot, throw in some yetis (no lie), lots of guns, and another family friend who happens to have a plane and a yak, and that's the movie. Then there is a love interest and some chicks who are immortal kinda sorta. The whole movie leaves nothing to suspense, any main character that gets hurt is guaranteed an "ancient magic ritual" that somehow saves them. We've all been through this before.
Jet Li gets basically no fight time, good job ruining his role like you did the Rock's movie creators, you seem to understand the usage of movie icons as villains very well.
"Hey let's use <insert famous fighteresque person here> as a villain!"
"Yeah! And let's give him some kind of special powers!"
"Yeah, and let's have him use those powers instead of actually fight!"
"Brilliant!"
Stay tuned for the Mummy 4 folks, where Tony Jaa is the Lord of the Bears and holds vast control over a recently discovered ancient forest populated by his bear army that threatens the world but wouldn't have if the fucking O'Connell family had just stayed home instead of going on another fucking trip.
The Mummy 3 is definitely not worth spending money on (in my opinion), but if you have scruples I might recommend a rent when it comes out on DVD, or maybe a borrow from one of your friends' who has fewer.
