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« on: April 09, 2008, 01:40:48 AM » |
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Bleeding out my wounds Take the stake Repay the wounds I make With the fear I keep inside these rooms
Curse the clouds for casting above Curse my soul for seeking love Curse the symbol of a dove And promise it made to me in vain When all that it promised ran down the drain
Driving the stake deep within my heart I tear myself apart And find what’s truly me Beside my soul, I can clearly see
Cursing the sand for resting idly Cursing my parents for arguing loudly Cursing the pain that reeks from me And the wounds it left behind my skin Forever locking my soul within
My soul rips right beside me I take another hit for granted Tearing asunder, the stake drives deeper The splinters quench my thirst Drive it in, black seeps down below my feet. All that remains is my shadow I fall to the earth down below
Cursed the gods and their might Cursed what was wrong and was not right Cursed what I felt back that night And what I thought back then Now I’m left with less than when I began.
I bided my time, and waited for what A symbol of time waiting for naught? I searched deep within to find That I cannot convince my mind And time has done naught but remind
Curse the future for what it holds Curse the past for what unfolds Curse the present for what I couldn’t behold It’s all about me and what I feel For in the end, its all I’m left to conceal
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 Yowza! Like a Hot Potato
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« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2008, 02:06:18 AM » |
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Ooh. Tastey. This is fairly "mainstream" in terms of lyrical flow for you, isn't it? I like it though-- very catchy.
"And time has done naught but remind" Sex.
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 "How'd you get to be so smart?" "Trial and error." -- Duncan MacLeod, Highlander (S1E20)
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« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2008, 02:09:14 AM » |
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Ooh. Tastey. This is fairly "mainstream" in terms of lyrical flow for you, isn't it? I like it though-- very catchy.
"And time has done naught but remind" Sex.
funny thing was that i kind of had that in mind when i wrote it. i wanted to do something less ambiguous, and have the lines be more coherent thoughts, instead of ideas.
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 Yowza! Like a Hot Potato
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« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2008, 02:15:48 AM » |
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Yeah, it's good. The "random big words" and whatnot create a nice illusion of depth but I think they can only carry you for so long before they get stale. Not to say they can't be amazing on their own, just that they are less likely to be, especially the more they are churned out.
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 "How'd you get to be so smart?" "Trial and error." -- Duncan MacLeod, Highlander (S1E20)
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« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2008, 02:17:34 AM » |
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Yeah, it's good. The "random big words" and whatnot create a nice illusion of depth but I think they can only carry you for so long before they get stale. Not to say they can't be amazing on their own, just that they are less likely to be, especially the more they are churned out.
ya, i liked some of my newer stuff, but i felt like i was putting a lot out. not that i would want to do less (i put it out whenever i feel the urge to write) but i just wanted to do something different to break the cycle. i also havent written anything in a while before this. i really want to develop my style more, and im going to be pursuing my writing minor in the next few semesters, so hopefully that will help.
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 Yowza! Like a Hot Potato
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« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2008, 02:18:47 AM » |
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Yeah, personally I think the "abstract" poetry gets very old fast. Like, the more you do it, the more shallow it becomes. The first few seem amazing but then you start to see similarities and they loose their effect.
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 "How'd you get to be so smart?" "Trial and error." -- Duncan MacLeod, Highlander (S1E20)
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« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2008, 02:21:27 AM » |
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Yeah, personally I think the "abstract" poetry gets very old fast. Like, the more you do it, the more shallow it becomes. The first few seem amazing but then you start to see similarities and they loose their effect.
ya, i opened up to posting on the site, and it allowed me to show what i would normally just keep. what i write has always been just an expression of my mental state and it all usually comes out in less than a minute, then i go back and edit. its just funny that what comes out are the bigger more vague ideas.
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 Yowza! Like a Hot Potato
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« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2008, 02:27:44 AM » |
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That's good though! Because you are EVOLVING! You gotta get that sheet out der mon, ch'yeah'uh... ermn... sorry. I'm playing on my Troll in WoW atm. Lulz.
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 "How'd you get to be so smart?" "Trial and error." -- Duncan MacLeod, Highlander (S1E20)
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« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2008, 11:00:49 AM » |
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i very much liked this one, it was cool, and different.
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